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Windows and I have a relationship in which we tolerate each other. Windows knows I use Apple computers at home and this has resulted in an attitude rooted in passive aggression.

Take this morning for example. As I said hello after turning on my computer Microsoft Windows decided it would be a great time to perform an update on 22,016–no, I’m not kidding 22,016– items in my registry. You see, Microsoft Windows is a hoarder who stashes everything he sees or encounters into his registry until his whole house (your computer) becomes a cluttered mess. That is why your shiny new laptop starts to slowdown from the day you buy it. I just laughed and went for a cup off coffee. Eventually he finished shoving all his cluttered boxes from one room to the next accomplishing who knows what.

I suppose it is only a matter of time until he misplaces a box and throws up a blue screen of death on my monitor. He thinks he wins when he does this. That it how it is with the passive aggressive personalities.

When this card is played I simply shake my head in embarrassment for Windows. He never learns that such behavior only means a trip to our computer geeks who have long tired of his behavior. They no longer even try to reason with him.

Reasoning doesn’t work with Windows so instead the geeks call in the movers, cleaners and scrubbers. By wiping out the hard disk all the piles of registry boxes are hauled away and his house–yes your computer– is cleaned up. After reinstalling the operating system poor Mr. Windows has to start his hording ways afresh.

Our geeks are very good at this routine. In my office of 120 they send in the movers, cleaners and scrubbers 1-2 times a week flushing out another attitude infected computer.

Sometimes Windows gets creative. Like last week when he refused to start up and tried to convince me he was broke for good and had lost all his restoration files.

Haha. I just pushed the power button and cut off all his electricity leaving him in the dark while I went for, you guessed it, more coffee.

So on it goes.

Of course on that morning he reconsidered and decided to behave as opposed to having the movers, cleaners and scrubbers sent back in.

I have no idea what he might be brewing up for his next stunt but the joke is on him. Soon I will be packing up Mr. MacBook and his friend Mr. iPad and traveling with my family to warm sunny beaches.

Meantime I’m cutting off Mr. Windows electricity and and leaving him behind in a cold…dark…sterile office.

Two can play this game.